Total Loss: 15 pounds.

yeah, baby, yeah.

just finished editing a shoot. not 100% confident with it but its good enough especially for a first really big shoot. I met some really great people through it also, an amazing pair of designers, a great MUA, and a fellow photographer who focuses mainly on architecture.

here are some really low-res frames from the day.

just updating.

Things That Are Awesome: Interiors and Me ;-)

Shot For: German Vogue 2009

Photography by: Erwin Wurm (I took down his name as Erwin Wurmin, which made me laugh for about 2.5 minutes).

Model: Claudia Schiffer

Styling by: I nono.

I don't love these images but i definitely love the setting. My ultimate dream is to live in a place like this. I think everyone would love to be consistently in awe of their surroundings instead of taking them for granted. The huge doors are my favorite.

HERE'S A SHOT OF MINE!

that i took on Saturday with an amateur model (first time) and a makeup artist:

Obviously the shot is unedited and not one of my best but just wanted to post something of mine for once.

WHAT DO YOU GIVE A CARE?

- up 1 pound. wtf? no more daily weigh-ins. i always say that but it really begins to affect you after awhile. Sunday, will be the day i weigh in and do an update on what the eff is up.

currently watching... Clark and Michael on Youtube.

things i need to do:

-do a "before" picture even though i've already lost 11 pounds.

-start working out more of a schedule for posting.

-try to organize...everything.

-get more people to read this, particularly the "fatties in fashion" which is a term i just coined that is both offensive and funny...but if we can't make fun of ourselves there might as well not be a damn sun.

I'm not going to lie: I want people to read this. I don't necessarily want to be one of those cool hip fashion bloggers but i definitely want to reach a market made of people like me, who love fashion but feel like an outsider in that world wether its a physical, mental, or social thing, or maybe its just self-esteem. you know: blah, blah, blah, let's support each other.

picture post to follow.

This is How We Walk on the Moon

www.my-calorie-counter.com The webs free Diet Journal

Things That Are Awesome: Like a Moth to a Flame.

I am a huge fan of creative lighting, the only problem is I know nothing about it. The school I attend offers a lighting class but I've always been to shy/timid to procure subjects to shoot. Now that I'm getting over that shyness, I plan on taking a lighting class.

Here's an example of amazing yet harsh/obvious lighting:

For: ABOVE Magazine '09
Shot By: Norbert Schoerner
Styling by: Charlotte Stockdale
Model: Trish Goff

p.s.- I most likely will not be posting everyday, I know I'm just going to forget. I also don't want to inundate the already overwhelmed unread fashion blog market with a bunch of shit.

Things I Have Been Doing While I Was Gone: MODERATION

watching Peep Show over and over and over. I'm kind of in love with David Mitchell...I may be the first woman to say that.

Assisting on Shoots/Interning.

Eating useless crap.

HOWEVER, I feel confident about losing weight, even amidst hectic days with unhealthy food around, some serious personal stress often leading to stress eating, i have actually maintained and even lost a bit of weight. I owe it to a complete change of lifestyle and finally understanding/adhering to the concept of MODERATION. I can have pizza every once in awhile without eating 4 pieces. I was still eating fruit and vegetables just eating really wrong shit occasionally. I am however, back to eating alot of protein, fruits, vegetables and feel alot better.

I have a shoot tomorrow with an amateur model and a great MUA. hooray.

I also see I have two followers, yay!

ANYBODY who reads this (as well as people who aren't following/don't like the blog) please leave suggestions. I'm not promising I'll follow them but it will be nice to hear.

so sorry i have been awol! personal things going on! also not doing well with weight but i will give a full update tomorrow!

This Shit Better Than Broads Coming On to Me.

AWOL STATUS.

I've been quite discouraged that no one reads this.

down 8 pounds so far though. hoorah!

I don't need no credit for this! This is an image in my Wall Street series, a project I've been working on now for three years. It was published in a magazine with the working title "Titans of New York."

Things That Are Awesome: Body Art

I hope i can find models that are comfortable enough with their bodies to ad lib like this.

I'm Superbbbb at NOTHING!

just finished Fantabulosa! Kenneth Williams was a genius.

finally down to a steady 6 pound loss. i'm quite fearful of losing too much weight too fast. They say you start getting that "extra skin" if you lose 100 or more pounds. Thankfully, I don't have that much to lose but i've done my research and i feel like i should slow down once i hit a 20 pound loss. that is, if it ever happens.

i need to post before pictures. its not as if i'm too ashamed...i'm just too damn lazy.

-A.

Things That Are Awesome/True Life: I Have a Serious Crush on Charlotte Gainsbourg

I like men...and Charlotte Gainsbourg.

via foto_decadent

by Jean-Baptise Modino via photobucket

gained one pound, understandably.

had a meeting with a MUA and a stylist for a future shoot in Central Park, was crazy nervous but i hope it gets done. i'm waiting for word from the model.

kind of in a weird mood.

i'm thinking of posting some hopeful "before" pictures on here.

-A.

Total Weight Lost: 5.2 pounds.

Things That Are Awesome: Baldovino Barani for Tatler

images via foto_decadent

A Night of Sam Rockwell and Michael Sheen

Eating...not so well. My dad was in the hospital for a HOPINGLY minor thing on father's day so this was pseudo father's day, it's great for him. He's the best father. Not so great for me eating-wise...remember what i said about "special occasions!" cheesecake and ziti. blahhhhh.

down as of this morning: 6.2 pounds. (i will gain for tomorrow morning, undoubtedly).

i'm in the middle of a marathon of the awesomeness that is having no life: A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints (bleh), the Music Within (which i purchased only for Michael Sheen), Frost/Nixon, and now about to watch Moon because I'm always remembering the sheer genius of Sam Rockwell. I actually went as far as not watching the last Oscars because he wasn't nominated for the film...which is complete bullshit and speaks to the current state of affairs in well, any career.

Good news is I have a meeting with a makeup artist and stylist tomorrow for future shoots, not exactly testing with agencies yet but hoping to get there.

image post to follow!

-A.

Too Tired: Get it Hot Diggity Damn and Lickety Split

Abbey Leeker Shaw by Greg Kadel.

10 Things That I'm Crushing On: Videos

Michael Buble's voice.
Weezer- Pork and Beans and the cavalcade of youtube stars therein.
Make Homosexuals Marry!
Tao Lin's Ode to Amoeba Asses.
The Wonder Girls and how all their outfits look like they were bought at Wet Seal or Contempo (remember that store?!)
Petrilude's Attitude + Miss T + a Mix by JoshSource
"The Greatest" by Cat Power + a Scene starring Jude Law's ego and Norah Jones' beauty.
Kim Fowley before Michael Shannon Played Him
Old Man Fowley Unapologetic as He Eats Turkey During an Interview
AND LAST BUT DEFINITELY NOT THE LEAST:

BLACKALICIOUS' ALPHABETIC AEROBICS + TYPOLOGY

WHY THE FUCK IS BLOGSPOT SO FUCKED UP. i can't get this underline nonsense to go away.



And as a bonus...one day, almost three years ago, I was sitting on the subway when i spotted a sticker of Homeboy Sandman's. I hardly ever look up people that have random stickers all over the place but i loved his name. This is my FAVORITE thing he does, I swear I've watched different versions of this at least 60 times. He used to have a few videos on youtube and a makeshift website (for some reason I remember talking to him on myspace but I can't be sure) and now he's in XXL magazine. I add it because his rhymes are reminiscent of Blackalicious:

Verbal Soul Clap

his website is here.

A.

ALL IS WELL.

what news have you from the riddermark?

realized blog was missing something. will be posting twice a day--one with words and one with images.

WHEN KEEPING IT REAL GOES WRONG.

I would like to apologize to my 1 reader (i look at stats, i know someone other than me reads this damn thing) for my temporary lapse in confidence and poise (hah!) earlier. It was late at night, I was nervous about the impending doom that might be my career and what one does in such a situation is usually seek out people one feels are more successful and either HATE or SELF DEPRECATE. I would delete it but i think it might be the realist thing I post here: the post looses itself sometimes and stops making sense; its like a stream of consciousness.

I woke up the following morning with my inspiration back. I'm a completely different photographer than everybody else and i don't really think at this stage in my career I should be concerning myself with who's better, who has the look, who has the advantage. I just really need to "keep my head down and power through." fuck everybody else (not literally) all i need to be concerned with at this moment in time is keeping my morals intact + make money (these often conflict) + work hard (career-wise that is).

In the spirit of inspiration:


anybody that knows me knows that I am a major nerd and treat Lord of the Rings like it is a religion (saying star wars is better is fucking blasphemy).



anyway...back to what i was saying. I was struck by Peter Jackson's weight loss and how it seems to be the go-to thing to say wow, he looks really unhealthy. Is it just me or do people that lose a drastic amount of weight seem to look like crack addicts afterward (maybe because some of them are)? Either way, he's inspiring in every way, both creatively and physically. Although, I will have to forgive him for Meet the Feebles/firing Ryan Gosling for being too fat/Lovely Bones.

eating wise I've done okay, this has been a hard week with how busy i was and how dependent i am on just grabbing things and going when hectic times arise.

only down .3 more pounds :-(

Things That Are Awesome:

speaking of weight loss...Christina Ricci has been in the press more than a few times for weight loss. Mainly I include this because Ricci has such a photogenic face, she's one of those people that looks pretty unusual but when photographed/filmed it works to her advantage.

all images thus forth are via foto_decadent.

from Pop Winter 2004 (a dream magazine to shoot for.) why can't i find a photo credit for this?!

via datelinehollywood.com

Ricci ain't no crackhead.

-A.

blah.

SON OF A BITCH!!!

all's well that ends well. Got an exorbitant amount of exercise (pilates, workout type, braving through NY hot weather walking the damn streets like a dazed prostitute).

hot as all types of hell. i worked all day, traveled for about 4.5 hours and came home and went right to sleep. of course, i woke up @ 11 and was so hungry I inhaled some pizza (last time eating- 8am, pizza- 11 pm). (sorry the font is so damn big, as much as i like blogspot they have some serious flaws in the posting window.)

Total Weight Lost: maintaining.

I'll post a proper update tomorrow.


Things That Are Awesome

I'm kind of over the highly polished images of Steven Meisel but I loveeeee Daria Werbowy and nevertheless, Meisel is a beyond phenomenal photographer.





I included the last image not because I like it but because I don't, it seems like one of those images we'd do in high school, taking a prop, breaking it and the model kind of looking clueless. Once again, love Werbowy and Meisel and it just goes to show you, sometimes even the best photographers can't 100% pull you in all the time.

-A.

Network, Network, Network.

psh.

If you're beginning in the fashion field, you should know by now that it's all about networking. So what do you do if you're an overweight shy girl? I was recently checking out Hannah Khymych's blog. She's what? 17/18 years old and is already testing with Ford with a pretty banging portfolio. It's so damn overwhelming. There are thousands, maybe millions of photographers in this country and its easy to feel like they're ALL better than you... especially when so many of them seem to "fit the bill." I say this with only love and not jealousy, but Hannah could be a model herself, she comes with the thick-rimmed glasses, great style, and seemingly go-getter attitude. I'm of course, not reducing her to her appearance...

You can keep telling yourself it's all about talent but sometimes its even more overwhelming when you hear about someone like Hannah who has both talent and that je ne sais quoi needed in the fashion business. If you're too insecure to talk, I can't help but think...you're fucked.

Checkout her website here.

I'm starting to do some TFCD work within the next few weeks. I can't help but feel so much anxiety over it because I'm struck with so many things that can go wrong; including the constant fear that my social anxiety will get the best of me.

if you couldn't tell by my AWESOME mood, not a great day eating wise...not horrible but not great.

still losing though...

Total Loss: 5 lbs. (pretty good for less than two weeks, right?)

TIP OF THE DAYYYYYY-

Don't buy clothes "for when I lose weight." I literally used to have a whole closet of "skinny clothes" either clothes I used to fit in or clothes i wished i could fit in that i purposely bought to "motivate me." All it does is put more pressure on you and leaves you feeling more depressed if you ever step out of line. Personally, that depression is what makes me want to break down and begin my slow descent into "I can't do it." I sold most of my skinny clothes and the few that i kept I couldn't part with (including these throw back Grail lightwash jeans with the intricate skull on the left thigh. I coveted them so bad back when they were "in", I couldn't stand to sell them). Overall, most of those clothes are gone. I'm not doing it. I just want to stop thinking about how fat i am all day, come to this blog, let it out, and then go on with my life. I don't want to have a pair of size 25 jeans staring at me everyday telling me I suck.

I think the bright side to this is that i refuse to give up, I honestly could not see myself doing anything but photography and being healthy and slim in a Phillip Lim T-shirt dress (that one from maybe 2 years ago with the rosettes on it!) so...

A BABY'S GOTTA DO WHAT A BABY'S GOTTA DO.

-A.

I Think It's Going to Rain Today.

complete shit day. i started out with a long ass journey into the city. There was a brief ray of sunshine when I got to go to an awesome/fun editorial meeting. This was soon to be quashed. I had to make a semi-long journey to do a favor for a friend; I was happy to do it. By then, my gargantuan thighs were hurting quite a bit and the bulbous weight on my ankles combined with cheap Forever 21 gladiator sandals:

image via Forever21

were starting to test my sanity/patience. My Iphone soon died due to apple's inevitable and incredibly frustrating decreasing battery capacity. Due to my lack of a car, I depend on my parents to pick me up from the train station, since my leaving the city is unpredictable I need to call said parents to tell them when to pick me up. I decide to just get on the damn train and find a pay phone when i get back. Guess what?! My lovely hometown and city has no pay phones...anywhere. fucking ey. At this point I was forced to walk home with a huge bag full of books and some food...this is when it started pouring...and lightning-ing...and thundering (thunder only happens when its rainingggg)...

I had no umbrella.

Vasseva. it could have been worse.

Here's the best thing I ate today (along with some fruit and lots and lots of water...and one gatorade):


Red Bamboo Vegan Philly Cheese Steak...not exactly the healthiest but...a healthier choice than any of the debauchery i could have gotten up to due to my previous habits.

Things That Are Awesome:

via nysocialdiary.com

here's an interesting image by Jessica Craig Martin. I recently saw this image at a show at BAM. I think she's kinda poking fun at the fake protocol of upper east side New Yorker society. (sorry it's so grainy.)

Total Weight Lost: 4.5 lbs.

-A.

So Damn Late

It's really late to be doing this.
eating did not go well but wasn't as bad as it could have been, i was basically nibbling on this amazing tofu panang curry and rice the whole day and then my dad came home with pizza. i had half of a piece (which is bad...but okay considering i used to eat several pieces) MODERATION BITCHES.

I'm not a huge fan of Annie Leibovitz or P.Diddy but I am a pretty big fan of Vodianova and I gotta say Leivobitz killed it with the lighting and directing in this image.

Total Lost: 4.3 lbs.

-A.

SURPRISE, SURPRISE...I'M TIRED.

This is going to be a short post. I haven't been sleeping well and it sucks so badly. I feel like a zombie. "Everything's just a copy of a copy of a copy."

I was supposed to have a photo shoot tomorrow but the model canceled which i was both sad and glad about. :-( glad because I'm quite nervous and sad because I feel like she didn't take me seriously...oh well.

today: i did quite bad. i had a piece of wheat bread with egg whites and kraft 2% cheese, didn't eat much all day, and then had some thai curry & vegetable and loads of brown AND white rice.

Tip of the Day #2: Small Meals. This is a particular one that I just can't seem to follow lately. Having anywhere from 5-8 meals a day is so much better than eating two or three really big meals. It speeds up your metabolism, it keeps you full and therefore less susceptible to cravings. It's just hard to break lifelong habit/ritual.

Things That Are Awesome.

Elle Italy 2008
Claudia Pasanisi Smith
Tetyana Piskun







p.s.- I've been obsessed with Big Brother UK for a few years now and this year is supposedly the last year the BBC is showing it. It's so much better than Big Brother U.S. because it's ALL about people watching instead of plotting whose your favorite and rooting people on like your watching a football match. It's on the 9th episode so far and i suggest if anyone sees this either start watching or go back and try to find episodes because its fucking awesome.

-A.