A Special Occasion

The trouble with dieting or trying to eat right after eating wrong for so long is special occasions.
Holidays bring other people who don't have to/aren't bothered to pay attention to what they're eating. You're usually going to places you know have your favorite dishes and suddenly the choice between a salad and nachos or tomato and basil pizza is pretty hard.

My family is especially troublesome, whenever a holiday rolls around we make a week or a weekend about it. Father's Day takes a whole weekend, Mother's Day also (not that they don't deserve it), birthdays usually a whole week. Which means a whole weekend of eating.

Tip of the Day #1: When you find yourself on the lonely island of "i'm trying to lose weight" and find it hard to break former bad habits, the key is to make healthier choices. That could even mean eating two pieces of pizza instead of three or four and pair it with a salad. Water instead of soda. A semi-healthy salad instead of an over-fattening dish. No dessert or frozen yogurt instead of ice cream. You get the idea:

Today: 1 bottle of vitamin water, 1 orange juice, 2 glasses of water, half of a ceasar salad, two bites of mom's pasta, 1/2 of my dad's mashed potatoes.

Total Lost: 3.3 pounds.

Things That Are Awesome:

Drew Barrymore shot by Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott for Pop Magazine

So Briggite Bardot-esque. I love the bluriness and I'm wondering if this is shot on film or its digital. I'm thinking film but the last image makes me think differently. So. Fucking. Awesome.

by the way, if I haven't let on. I'm a photographer.

i'm not really going to make a detailed post today (consider it an apology to no one* for the length of yesterdays).

eating went well. exercise not so great...i'll go into that later.

i just watched this movie called Unthinkable. for some reason, it really upset me.

-A.

In Defense of Photographers.

Finally got some good sleep last night with the help of more than the recommended dose of Melatonin. I had a shit dream though, which I've heard sometimes happens when you don't really procure sleep...naturally. It was some of the most fucked up shit I've ever thought of, let alone dreamed.

I figure I didn't properly introduce myself. I'm *A* I live in a big city, I'm going to art school for photography. For the last three years I have been focusing on more documentary images/stories. Recently, I got an internship in the fashion/art field and I'm starting to lean towards that. I used to dismiss that whole world because I've always been weary of the heavily photo-shopped, drug induced, superficial world but I can't help but want to go out and stage images instead of them passing before me. I've always been interested in fashion, but as a shy, overweight, nerdy girl I've always thought I was unwelcome. One day I just said FUCK 'EM, if it happens; it happens.

Recently, i was on TheFashionSpot forum, which i both love and hate. I love that so many images, opinions, and information are available so easily and I hate some of the ways the posters handle themselves/the elitism of having to procure an "invite" to join the special club of "design team leaders" and "mod squad members:"

I often stroll through the "Behind the Lens: Photographer" section and recently I was looking at a Max Vadkul thread (who shot the above young Angelina Jolie). After someone posting about his/her dream to marry a photographer, I give you these found gems: "Nah...I've realize(d) all photographers are crazy...either completely insecure or ego maniacal...or BOTH...my last boyfriend was both..." followed up with "how very very true. I am fast getting tired of photographers."

HERE GOES:

1. I can't help but laugh at that the mere fact I was offended by these stupid generalizations because it does, in a way prove some photographers are insecure.

2. I'm struck with the constant judgments of so many people and how some can feel they can judge an entire population of any race, career, or religion based on a relatively small test group.


Max Vadkul shooting Yamamoto.

3. I also find it funny that these people can make such generalizations when they obviously haven't been in the fashion world that long/been paying attention because while I hate to be a cynic you'll find alot of people in the realm with similar character flaws.

4. Isn't insecurity and bloated egos the foundation of fashion? One is usually drawn to the art of the outward appearance through an insecurity yearning to be hidden/"fixed" by this art or the desire to show others how great they are (which one could argue egomania is one of the worst symptoms of some insecurities).

In many ways, I would argue insecurity and egomania are a prequisite to entering the fashion field. I would almost consider it a good thing. Good photographers should either be cocky enough to direct what is in front of them and trust any "taste" or "vision" that they have or timid enough to live their life through a lens, cultivating their eye.

I wonder if there is anyone out there that is completely self-aware.

Food.
I did OK today. I had an egg white sandwich on whole wheat bread, a salad with "chickenless protein-rich chicken" and part skim mozarella, some dark chocolate, an apple, and 2 strawberries. didn't do too well with water, I drank too much powerade.

I'm dreading a doctors appt. on Tuesday. As of now, i am the only one who knows my exact weight, considering no one probably reads this. I know they're going to weigh me.

Total Lost: 2.9 pounds.

sorry for the long post.

-A.

The Sleepless Night.

Today has been OK.

The good: My calorie intake has been okay. Today, I've had some dark choclate (85% cacao), broccoli w/ garlic sauce and very little whole grain brown rice, a couple of strawberries, an apple, and 42 ounces of water.
The bad: I'm shooting for a better water intake: it's good for my skin, its better for digestion/metabolism, and it will curb any false feelings of hunger. I really was hoping for about 6-8 really small meals to boost my metabolism but my insomnia kept me up until 8 am., I didn't get up until 2:30 and didn't start eating until 5. I ended up with a pretty large dinner with a lot of broccoli and some rice.
Total Loss to date: 2.8 pounds.

I'm sorry this post is so damn boring. I'm crazy tired but here is an awesome image from photographer Lady Tarin, a photographer I recently learned about through Dossier Journal:


















check out her website.

-A.

Fatty Warbucks.

"Going on a diet because of clothes is a completely different thing, it's a superficial reason; there's no obligation, nothing in your life depends upon it, apart from your wardrobe. ... You have to treat it as an unimportant challenge and that's why you succeed."
-KARL LAGERFELD.

As of this date I am at *** pounds. I'm 5 ft. 2. That sounds ridiculous. In my defense, I have pretty large...assets. upper assets. I don't think I look *** pounds but I definitely look overweight...possibly obese (I AM medically obese). I have been trying to lose weight for almost 10 years now. About 5 years ago I got down to 7 pounds away from my goal weight. And then...I got re-diagnosed with epilepsy and was forced to be put on medication. Due to a variety of side-effects, general malaise, and laziness, here I am 5 years later with an extra 57 pounds.

Its disgusting, I'm at risk of diabetes (that is, if i don't already have it), i feel lackluster, I am not happy. yet when its 2 am and I have a choice between chocolate cake and broccoli..."i could be so much more healthy" just doesn't cut it anymore. what does motivate me is the fact that i may be able to wear stuff like this:

Alexander Wang @ theparisinyou blog.


and feel completely comfortable. I think larger people can wear whatever they want...and some can really pull it off. I am not one of these people. I feel so physically uncomfortable with the way I look, I just can't rock layers and exposed arms&legs confidently.

There'll be more about me. But so far, I'm looking at this as a fashion/photography/diet blog centered on me getting off my fat ass and achieving the weight and confidence needed to do Wang, Lim, Posen, Opening Ceremony etc. justice.

-A.